In an interview after her record-breaking 50 backstroke swim on Wednesday at 2018 French Elite Nationals in Saint-Raphaël, Béryl Gastaldello told the French sports daily newspaper l’Equipe about the deep depression she went through in her final season at Texas A&M. Asked if her goal for these French Nationals was to punch a ticket to 2018 European Championships in Glasgow, Gastaldello responded, “Non, I’m here to enjoy myself and to have fun. The time, it’s a little bit unexpected and it’s a bonus for me. I’ve had serious health problems and, three weeks ago, I didn’t think I would be able to be here.”
The interviewer then asked, “what were you afflicted with?” to which Gastaldello confided, “At the end of December-beginning of January, I was in a deep depression with severe anxiety, like other swimmers before me: Michael Phelps, Allison Schmitt, etc. I was at the bottom of a hole. It’s been five months and I just came out of it. I didn’t even know that existed, you don’t realize what it is where you’re not in it. I see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, I take medicine. I didn’t have the choice, I had to get help. Now, everything is getting back to normal little by little so that makes me look at life differently. It happened rather suddenly, I didn’t realize [it was happening] and it exploded. I am very happy to be alive, that’s already wonderful, so the sport, that’s a plus.”
Gastaldello went on to explain how it began. “During the one-week break at Christmas, in the United States we are supposed to continue to swim a little because there are the NCAA Championships in March. It’s very intense, we never really stop. We can go home for a week to be with the family but I couldn’t because it’s too short [to travel home to France]. That’s when I began to cough; I was coughing more and more. I had trouble breathing, I was having panic attacks in the water and it turned into a vicious circle. I was having obsessions. It was crazy. It’s hard to explain and [hard] to believe. I had at least 20 nervous tics, I couldn’t talk, I had music in my head and I still do, a little. I didn’t sleep for two weeks. I went very, very deep. And I went home to France urgently.
“I didn’t swim for two and a half months and then I was able to get back in the water, for 45 minutes, 1 hour… and I succeeded in going to the NCAAs for my team. It was very hard but I went my best times there. Mentally, we build ourselves up. You have to be strong to get out of this. After the NCAAs I stopped swimming again and for the last six weeks I was just doing dryland training and CrossFit because I still couldn’t get back in the water. It’s only been six days since I’ve been back. So for me, even being here is already…”
L’Equipe finished by asking Gastaldello what’s next? “You can’t be ashamed, we all have problems. I realize that nearly everyone goes through that in their lives. There are degrees, you don’t have to go so deep. You have to take care of yourself, pay attention and ask the right questions. Swimming, it’s a sport. But I was looking [at it] as black or white and I realize there is also gray. Taking a break doesn’t mean quitting. If I go back to training again it will be to come back stronger. Otherwise, I’ll do something else.”
It is far more prevalent than we want to admit. I have seen it happen in far too many young athletes through work, and in my own daughters swimming career. We underestimate just how powerful the effect such a constant, prolonged pressure, of such intensity, can have on a young body. Especially a young, still developing body. We need to understand that rest and individual monitoring is essential to prevent the body and nervous system tipping over the edge. In these high volume sports with relentless training routines, it can be a fine line between optimal form and compromised health. These amazing young people push themselves beyond the limits every day, 6 days a week, every week, almost all year… Read more »
Good for her. Depression is real.
Run out of seratonin . Maybe swimming just uses it all up & the brain needs time to make more . There was a theory supply was pre determined & non replaceable hence chronic sufferers . I’m leaning to believe you can find more in your brain , or slowly make more . The former still uses Electric shock therapy for those who have come to an end & the latter is something we should all strive for . If we want to live a long happy life & not end up like our parents / relatives that we’ve seen go dark in old age …..start thinking new ways , move interstate .
I really worry about these very… Read more »
I think you are a little confused on how serotonin works…
And we, swimming fans, we comment swimmers’ results but we know nothing about their lives outside of the pool. Swimmers are not robots. What she has done at NCAAs or this week is impressive considering what she has endured. Best wishes to Béryl for the future.
Bravo to her openness–hopefully this helps others
I think this is more common than we realize. Luckily swimmers, like Schmitty and Gastadello, are brave enough to share. I think if you can train LCM, you can beat depression like the little bitch it is.
I only have access to short course. Am I doomed?
Another point, I’m very curious about the rates of depression and anxiety in elite swimmers vs other athletes and non athletes. I really have no idea if it’s higher, lower about the same or what.
Anecdotally, I can say that it doesn’t seem to have as much prevalence in our volleyball coverage at VolleyMob. While I know swimming is in some senses a team sport, it’s not a team sport in the same way that volleyball (or basketball or football or soccer) is a team sport. I wonder if there’s research on levels of depression in team vs. individual sports. Or even sports with high levels of sensory deprivation like swimming versus not.
Maybe USA swimming should fund a mental health study. My daughter takes meds for anxiety and adhd
Wouldn’t surprise me if the rates of anxiety/depression in swimming are higher than the general population. Swimmers suffer an unusual amount of stress, as the demands of the sport are so high.
That’s awesome that she is doing better and talk freely about it. I think many people think they’re the only ones who may feel this way but the more public figures who talk about their struggles makes it more accepted. Pretty remarkable that she’s swam well at ncaas and this meet!
The lack of health education is a big problem. Especially for the young people when so much is happening within their body during maturing period of their lives. And if in addition they are under strong physical and nervous pressure the situation may go completely out control and they are not ready and don’t know how to deal with it.
I remember that we hated dry land exercises and couldn’t wait to go to the pool no matter how intense the training sets were. And suddenly at some point everything got changed. The antipathy to the water became so strong that there was no force in the world that could push me to get wet. And spending time in… Read more »