SwimSwam welcomes reader submissions about all topics aquatic, and if it’s well-written and well-thought, we might just post it under our “Shouts from the Stands” series. We don’t necessarily endorse the content of the Shouts from the Stands posts, and the opinions remain those of their authors. If you have thoughts to share, please send [email protected].
This “Shouts from the Stands” submission comes from Devin Hurst, a 16-year-old swimmer from Tampa, Florida.
To the sport of swimming,
They say that the ‘truth sets you free.’ For many years, I hid behind an image of one day becoming great. But greatness is defined different for everyone. For some, it is in their respective sport, while for others it is in the classroom or other disciplines. For many years of my youth, I found myself defining my worth by the performances I had in the pool and rather or not I went a PR in my most recent meet. When I grew up and going a PR in season became more rare- I had to figure out how to define great again. I can’t say that I am a great swimmer- because that’s a matter of opinion. To my grandmother- I was going to be an Olympian, whereas when I thought of my own swimming career- I can consider it mediocre. It was in those moments, that I reflect on what has happened in my swimming career. I may not have ever been to a national level meet, but I will never forget how good it felt to see my coach when I got my first age-group state cut at age 12 in the 50 breaststroke, he was so proud of me. I remember all the times leading up to then, when I had missed the cut but tenths of a second, and how hard I kept trying to push for that one cut. To be amongst the other kids on my team that got to represent on the state level.
There is a lot that swimming has taught me that I don’t think I would have ever learned in the classroom. There have been times where I have tried so hard at practice and at the end of the season, it didn’t pay out the way I wanted. And I had to learn how to be okay with that and take the next step. I had to learn how to adapt to new coaches because mine could no longer be there. It was in those trying times that I found how tough of a person I am. I’m still here. I can’t say that I ever stepped on the blocks and wanted to thrash the crap out of my competitors- and I have always felt like an outsider for it. Maybe that’s the ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’ in me. I would only ever get dialed in like that if I knew I genuinely hated the person next to me. That’s another thing I learned. The type of people out there and that not everyone is here to be your friend. Rather it was indirect or not- people will knock you down, but it is your job to get back up. I can’t say I ever truly got back up- but I know I’m still on my knees. There are people out there that casted a dark shadow on the sport that I loved and made me feel helpless. I wish I could look back and say I pulled myself together again from that experience- but I know I am even now still picking up the pieces three years later. I had to learn how to deal with a heartbreak at a young age. It was a different kind of heartbreak though- it was as though my world shattered in a matter of moments and everything I knew was gone.
But swimming has brought me so much good. I have made friends that I know I can come to even when I am far gone from the sport, and we will have that understanding of each other. Friends that I have, that have already grown apart from the sport I can’t always say the same about. I think that swimming has been a blessing and a curse. A curse in that I have given so much of my youth up for something that I just don’t love anymore. Swimming truly was my first love. I gave it everything- so many summers I spent working towards my goals and to have my moment. Though, I have grown to love the swimming community. So many of the people are just so amazing. Some have such a deep love for the sport that I yearn to have again. When I look at the good times and try to replicate them- I can just never get back to then. This sport has taught me so much about time. Don’t waste it. You can’t go back to those old times because it’s just not how it works.
In most recent years, as swimming has become a struggle- I still find something in me to go to the pool every day. I wish I knew what was still fueling that small flame, and how I could burn it brighter. But that flame is also in conditions of fast winds and rainstorms. But it is that tiny voice in the back of my head that tells me to get up at 4 a.m. that makes me keep coming back. My body just doesn’t want to try for the sport anymore, no matter how much I tell myself otherwise. I know I haven’t reached my full potential- or maybe I did three years ago (some of my best times definitely reflect as much), but I just can’t anymore. No matter what level you are- swimming is not forever. There is a time where it just ends. And many of us know when it ends. And for that I can be thankful. Finally, something in this world I can control.
When I take my final lap of my final race, I want to feel like a kid again. The kid that fell in love with the sport and didn’t have long enough to achieve their dreams.
Forever thankful,
Devin
ABOUT DEVIN HURST
Devin Hurst is 16 years old and lives in Tampa, Florida. She began writing as a way to release some creative energy, and swims because she is “on a journey to find the love she once had for the sport.” Her favorite events are the 500 free and the 400 IM.
That was beautiful and profound. Thank you for sharing.
Keep smiling and have fun! You are swimming some tough events.