Courtesy of Elizabeth Wickham
Most swim parents are amazing. They’re encouraging, helpful, and ready to volunteer wherever they’re needed. They are fun to be around and we all like having them in our circle of friends. They truly care about their children’s success and the other families around them. But, then there are a small number of swim parents who aren’t so much fun. Maybe you’re lucky and haven’t run into that parent. But, if you have, you may also have noticed how quickly their negativity can spread across a pool deck.
Here are five traits of that swim parent we don’t want to be around:
ONE
They are never happy.
If their kid gets a best time, they’ll be unhappy that he or she didn’t win their heat. If their kid wins their heat, they won’t be happy their child missed getting a best time.
TWO
They complain a lot.
You’ll hear them grumbling in the stands. They’ll complain about the team, the dues, the volunteer requirements, the coach, having to drive to meets and practices. They’ll complain their kid isn’t getting the attention he or she deserves and those complaints may spread throughout other parents.
THREE
They won’t volunteer on their own.
This is not the parent who stands selflessly behind a hot grill for six hours, because no one steps up to relieve him. Nor, is it the nurse who worked all night and shows up after her shift to help out at the swim meet. No, this is the parent who has to be hunted down to fill a timing chair for a 30-minute turn.
FOUR
They are super focused on their child.
If you get in a conversation with this parent, you’ll hear a nonstop monologue about how great their kid is, how they’re dropping time right and left, or how many cuts they have for the big meet. Never once will they ask how your children are doing.
FIVE
They know everything.
Have you met the know-it-all? I knew one who’d say “I know, I know” before I finished a sentence. I wondered how did she know, when she didn’t know what I was going to say? Also, these parents are experts on technique, know everything about everyone on deck—and definitely feel they know more than the coach.
Do you have any of “those” parents on your team and how do you interact with them?
Elizabeth Wickham volunteered for 14 years on her kids’ club team as board member, fundraiser, newsletter editor and “Mrs. meet manager.” She’s a writer with a bachelor of arts degree in editorial journalism from the University of Washington with a long career in public relations, marketing and advertising. Her stories have appeared in newspapers and magazines including the Los Angeles Times, Orange County Parenting and Ladybug. You can read more parenting tips on her blog.
How about instead of avoiding these parents, you relentlessly teach them? Share the love, the knowledge and the responsibility. And, to those who are already “toxicly” involved as officials and other volunteers, teach them that their behaviors are unacceptable. Don’t let them exist in this “platonicly” parallel universe where they are able to wreak havoc on children’s feelings and self esteem. Call them out in the nicest possible way…
“Is it really nice of you to tell your child to not let her teammate go ahead during practice? Your child isn’t as fast as the others.” Smile, smile, wink, wink.
“Parent X has been volunteering for 3 hours…I know you took a 30 minute stint at 8a but maybe… Read more »
I wear headphones to all meets and practices so i can avoid these parents. We have a huge team with several of the parents on your list, they can ruin the experience so I just avoid conversation and play shy.
How about “that parent” who knows your kids times better than you do ….
I’m so happy we don’t! Most of these parents left to go to a different team. What a relief that I won’t be hearing anymore of their complaints nor we have to hunt them to volunteer in the timing chair.
What are these ‘chairs’ I’m hearing about? Timing, and officiating *should* be painful …