Even though there are some big competitions going on this week, we still need to remember that today’s Valentines day. That means that all the swimming girls are wearing their nicest parkas, staying away from the wet, chlorine crusted bun, and taking out their debonair practice suit that’s only used on special occasions. As for the men, everyone loosened their goggles just a tad last night to get rid of the goggled-raccoon-eyes look, got a fresh body shave, and put on a cologne that in fact doesn’t smell like chlorine (although essence de chlorine might be a wise choice to wear to most meets).
Everyone’s stepping up their game on deck, but for the men, the most important thing is the approach. Like attacking the wall in a LC 100m freestyle, you want to make sure that your approach is smooth and swift. Unlike the flip turn, keep your head up boys; women are like coaches, they can spot a weak approach a mile away.
Fix the speedo a little bit, slick the hair back (if you didn’t shave it for speed), give a goofy Ryan Lochte smile and go in for the gold. Next is your one-liner. This is your turn at the wall, you need to nail this or the race is over. One bad line like a bad turn and you’re heading to the bottom of the pool. Smile, it’s game time, this is what you’ve been training for.
1. Are you a hypoxy training set, because you take my breath away.
Good, she chuckled a bit, you nailed the turn. Go make some swimming small talk.
2. You really flipturn me on.
She can’t believe you really just said that, but since you did, she knows that you’re not all drag suit, you’re in.
3. Are you a low interval sprint set? ‘Cause you’re making my face all red.
She relates, laughs, calls you an idiot, asks you what hotel your team is staying at…and if they have buffet dinners.
4. My pull buoy’s not the only thing that goes between these thighs.
Make sure you give her the classic Lochte ‘Jeah’ look with this one, not an easy one to pull off.
5. You’re like the anti-fog spray for my goggles, you just brighten up my day.
Hopefully she uses anti-fog spray. If not she’s going to laugh at you, but A for effort my friend.
6. And the classic that everyone’s heard, “girl, you give me the butterflies.” Proceed by doing some fly like motions in front of her or some lat-bicep slaps if she stares at you blankly.
Hopefully she likes flyers, or can at least appreciate one.
7. Are you the splash-and-dash because you’ve got my heart beating.
You can’t possibly fail this one.
8. I’m Ryan Lochte. She tells you you’re not. I’m Nathan Adrian. Again she calls your bluff. Keep going until you find a swimmer that she’ll believe. Don’t go for the “I’m Michael Phelps,” on the first day on the job, this is strictly a veterans move.
Nail at least one of these one-liners and you’re pretty much good to go. You’ve just got to keep pushing hard to the wall, put your head down, and go for the gold. Enjoy yourselves out there, stay safe, and keep the swimcest to a minimum folks. If anybody tries these lines on you ladies, we apologize or say you’re welcome, hopefully it’s the latter of the two.
Happy Valentines Day to the swimming community from SwimSwam! Enjoy!